Children

Moscow: Week 2, Day 3

I'm having the opposite problem to usual at the moment: too much is happening in between blog posts! In the last week, I've gained a job, lost a job, lost a job, gained a job...and still don't really understand my current employment status... On top of that moods have been up and down all over the place, it's very confusing.

The main job I came out here to do (looking after an 8-year-old boy, though I think for some reason I said he was 7 in my last post) is no longer on: the kid is impossible, and even for the suggested pay I'm not experienced enough to risk taking it. Besides, lessons couldn't take place in the family home as planned, and there wouldn't really be anywhere else to do it... The good news is I've got a different job with a very cute 2-and-a-half-year-old girl, whom I don't have to look after cos her mum is always there, I just have to literally be there and speak English at her. The pay is lower, but the job is manageable, so whatevs!

The other job change has been with the drama school. I was meant to teach adult classes as well as kids' classes, but having had one go with the kids I had to pull out. I'm not really sure why. It's partly how tiring and stressful it is, trying to keep 6 kids occupied doing drama games in a language they can't really speak, giving them instructions they don't understand. I kept checking my watch and thinking 'jesus, has it really only been 5 minutes?'

The other reason is harder to pin down. There's something about being with groups of children, and I don't know why it's only when they're in big groups, that makes me feel...not old, but far far away from childhood. They're so full of energy and enthusiasm, curiosity and happiness. Happiness above all. And I'm so, well, not.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not nearly as miserable as I have been in the past. But being surrounded by children somehow hammers home how serious I've become, how unable to be spontaneous and gleeful. Unable to not give a shit about whether people are watching or judging me. Because I do give a shit, I can't help it.

Even being with Tasya (my new 2-year-old) makes me feel it. In a way she has the opposite effect; being around a child can lighten your heart and remind you of that innocent way of seeing the world, but after a while I find it wears off and I start noticing how my cheeks hurt from smiling, and I can't be bothered to say anything else like it's exciting. Is it just me or do you guys find being with children is like this?

I have been busy this week, but somehow have also had some time to myself. I'm not appreciating it very much because of the stress, and because for reasons not quite known I keep finding myself wanting to burst into tears. (If I'm alone, I do.) Processing the overdose is a slow business, it seems, having started a few weeks ago but been put on hold by the move. Now it's recommencing, and I'm not really sure how to handle it. Crying helps but isn't a solution. Remembering is painful but necessary; I want to make sure it remains a 'normal' memory, as my mind has been known to fuck things up in that regard and I don't want any more blanks or flashbacks.

But as ever, life goes on. And there's no stress can't be battled with fanfiction =P

Moscow: Day 2

Yo y'all! So, here I am, in Moscow. Whod'a thunk?

I've just spent probably the most stressful few weeks of my life trying to get here, battling with bureaucracy and fucking idiots who were acting on my behalf, but not in my interest. Seriously, I was losing faith in the world and its ability to contain people who are either kind or at least vaguely intelligent. And by vaguely intelligent, I mean things like, able to predict that if they don't give me the information I need to fill in my visa application correctly, I probably won't get a visa. Etc.

I couldn't really see any point in blogging because it would have just been a rant at the amount of people trying to screw money and time out of me.  Two banks have had a go at the former, 3 Russian organisations at the latter. Seriously, I'm up to here with it. *indicated point well above head*

But after all that, I made it at last. Flew in on Saturday, and had the evening to settle into my new flat with my flatmate Lena, though not her fiancé Paulus who will also be living with us, because he's currently at home in Lithuania where they're getting married later this month.

We went to the supermarket to pick up a few things, which was a little stressful but not too bad because we mostly agreed on what to buy. We also got a watermelon from the watermelon man outside our building that weighed about as much as a toddler, and was so big it wouldn't fit in the sink so we had to rinse it in the bath. I lol'd.

So yesterday was my first full day. I went to the drama school where I'll be working, and it seems a nice little place. It's got 3 teaching rooms, including one that doubles up as a photography studio, and a wee theatre that surprisingly seats up to 50.

I was halfway through a discussion with Martin (the big English cheese) when I was approached by Natasha (the big Russian cheese) and asked if I'd help them do some advertising on the streets, because yesterday was Moscow's birthday and there were loads of people out and about for the celebrations. She suggested that I do it in costume with them, and I idiotically agreed.... Half an hour later, I'm standing in a crowded park dressed in a bright orange dog costume, handing out flyers. When they said they wanted to draw attention to themselves, I hadn't quite appreciated how much attention they were intending to draw.... At least the kiddies seemed to appreciate me....

Luckily I was saved after about an hour by a potential new pupil coming to audition back at the studio, so Martin and I went back to meet him. Cute enough kid, 7 years old, and seemingly game for this acting malarky. Then I met an older pupil - about my age, I'd say - called Sergei, who was practising a monologue for that night's English Evening at a local bar. I helped him out a bit, very impressed that he had memorised a Shakespearean speech, and then we all went down to the bar to set up. How it seems to work is, this guy Alexei who is a world-class flamenco guitar player (and really is very good) plays his guitar for about half an hour while people interested in speaking English arrive; everyone chats for a while, then Sergei does his piece (I gather there are normally more little performances of that kind); then the other native speakers and I get up on the stage and introduce ourselves before a round of speed-English. Like speed-dating, except you're just speaking English to each other in the 3 minutes you get before the bell rings and you change partners.

I was hesitant to go, not really wanting to spend a lot of time speaking English, but I did get some new Russian friends out of it who are apparently happy to speak Russian with me another time, so all was not lost. Got home at about midnight, had some dinner finally with my flatmate and her best friend Olga who had driven us home, and so to bed. I have to say, for a first day, I don't think I did too badly. 24 hours and I'd already started working and acquired more friends than I could count on my fingers.

Today is day 2: started with a phone call from the mother of the little boy I'm teaching English to, arranging to meet at 12:30. When I rang at 10 the kid was still in bed apparently, so I don't know what kind of school he goes to because normally all Russian schools start on September 1st... Anyway, I'll be off there in a minute. Then a business lunch type thing in the restaurant of the theatre where Martin and I will be working, meeting...oh, I can't remember, some person of significance. Possibly someone looking to join the drama school, possibly someone connected with the melodeclamation performance Martin is doing there in a couple of weeks (which he apparently wants me to stage manage, news to me!)

So, off I pop. La'ers! xxx