Been reading other people's blogs, and keep realising that I've been neglecting my own for quite a long time! Well, I never have posted very regularly. I suppose since I have so few readers I never feel like it's worth it - I have a journal for writing for myself, if the blog is for other people and there aren't any other people then...what's the point, you know? But at the same time, nobody's going to start reading a blog that's never updated...so idk, we'll see where this goes. Maybe I'll start posting more often, maybe I'll still mainly to YT updates, maybe I'll find a nice balance of the two.
I guess the reason I feel I should be blogging is because, even if nobody reads it, the fact is that someone *might*, and that makes me in some way accountable. Like, if I put it out there that I'm using behaviours, for example, the mere fact that it's on the interwebz means I'm not stuck in my own shell not answering to anyone and not having to be honest with anyone else about what's going on. I suppose it would help if I knew for certain that it would get read, but even if it doesn't, it's still there in clear writing, and that means I can't ignore it.
Some accountability would probably be helpful right now. I tried joining MentorCONNECT but was distinctly underwhelmed, I might make a YT video on it because I'm interested to see if any of my viewers have had a similar experience, or a more positive one, and just generally what you guys think. I actually brought the book Beating Ana, written by the founder of MentorCONNECT and the reason I went on the site at all, with me after Christmas. But I haven't even looked at it. I have read some of another recovery book I downloaded onto my Kindle app, but not as much as I should.
Thing is, I'm not exactly relapsing...but I'm certainly not recovering. Not by miles. I suppose I'm trying to, but really, that's only my vague attitude - I'm not putting it into practice. And I need to DO something about it. And I don't think I could do that alone.
So, if you're there, let me know. Let's talk. Let's do this blogging shit!
I guess the reason I feel I should be blogging is because, even if nobody reads it, the fact is that someone *might*, and that makes me in some way accountable. Like, if I put it out there that I'm using behaviours, for example, the mere fact that it's on the interwebz means I'm not stuck in my own shell not answering to anyone and not having to be honest with anyone else about what's going on. I suppose it would help if I knew for certain that it would get read, but even if it doesn't, it's still there in clear writing, and that means I can't ignore it.
Some accountability would probably be helpful right now. I tried joining MentorCONNECT but was distinctly underwhelmed, I might make a YT video on it because I'm interested to see if any of my viewers have had a similar experience, or a more positive one, and just generally what you guys think. I actually brought the book Beating Ana, written by the founder of MentorCONNECT and the reason I went on the site at all, with me after Christmas. But I haven't even looked at it. I have read some of another recovery book I downloaded onto my Kindle app, but not as much as I should.
Thing is, I'm not exactly relapsing...but I'm certainly not recovering. Not by miles. I suppose I'm trying to, but really, that's only my vague attitude - I'm not putting it into practice. And I need to DO something about it. And I don't think I could do that alone.
So, if you're there, let me know. Let's talk. Let's do this blogging shit!
Liza! It's Kaytee from youtube, I watch your videos on the collab channel (& your own videos as well). I don't have my own blog but I always read yours! It's on my 'favourites' tab :) love to you. xxxxxx
ReplyDeleteHi! I read your blog and watch your YT videos regularly, they're really great. I consider myself recovered now, but I still like to hear how others are doing. I really hope you get well soon, I found your videos and blogs really helpful when I was recovering :)
ReplyDeleteMeena xx
I always read your blog and check for updates.
ReplyDeleteHey Liza,
ReplyDeleteReading this post makes me feel sorry that I haven't posted a reply on your blog for such a long time. Over the past several months I've been struggling with my depression more than ever, and it's become hard for me to even think about making supportive comments without feeling like they'd be hollow and hypocritical given how often I've let myself fall under the sway of despair.
However, while I haven't had the heart to comment, I've never stopped checking this blog for updates because you always write so admirably when you do post something that I find it comforting to read, even if the contents can be very sad sometimes. It's hard for me to explain, but the way you can express yourself with such sensitivity and humanity, even after you've been through terrible suffering and are still in pain now, it makes me think perhaps there is something inside people that even the darkest depression can't take away.
Of course, the same can be said of your YouTube updates in large measure, but I believe there's something about committing your thoughts to writing that brings even greater depth and clarity to your expression here. So, I hate the idea of you feeling like your posts just vanish into the aether, and (in typically selfish fashion) I offer this comment as some measure of proof to the contrary in the hope that you will keep posting here for a very long time to come.
Best wishes for happier days ahead,
Greg