Most people, myself included, find the idea of a 5-month holiday luscious. It's not quite so straight forward when you do actually have things to get done in said holiday (don't we always?), and then you get confused about what 'holiday' means and what your priorities are and how you're hoping to feel by the end etc etc etc.
There's a Doctor Who episode where the Doctor is explaining why he likes to travel with companions - because he can't see the wonder in the universe any more. "When you make the whole of time and space your back yard, what you get is a back yard." I feel similarly about this 5-month break which is not a break; it seems there is a limit to the amount of time you can consistently feel on holiday. When you make holiday living your every day life, what you get is an every day life.
I'm currently in rural Wales visiting family, waiting to hear about extras castings (as ever), and trying to treat the week like a proper holiday. Time away. Don't think about work. I don't count extra-ing as work because I really love it, so I'm trying not to think about tour guiding, which I don't love. I'm actually getting pretty fed up with it tbh. But I feel slightly trapped by needing to have an employer to write references for future things, and the tour company boss is the only person who can currently fill that role so I have to stay on his good side. Not that he would have time to write any references anyway, so I'm not sure what I'm trying to get out of this...
I have changed my desktop wallpaper on my laptop to a summery image of a Hawaiian resort, because a) I grew up in Hawaii and find pictures of it comforting, b) it's a summery image and therefore maybe will help remind me I'm on a proper holiday, and c) I usually stress out a bit when I'm away and open my computer because I'm reminded of all the things I left behind, so I'm experimenting with avoiding that. We'll see. I am enjoying seeing it, at any rate, so I've achieved something.
But if the only way I can come up with to help me feel more relaxed is to change my desktop wallpaper, things are getting serious. Suggestions on postcards. x
There's a Doctor Who episode where the Doctor is explaining why he likes to travel with companions - because he can't see the wonder in the universe any more. "When you make the whole of time and space your back yard, what you get is a back yard." I feel similarly about this 5-month break which is not a break; it seems there is a limit to the amount of time you can consistently feel on holiday. When you make holiday living your every day life, what you get is an every day life.
I'm currently in rural Wales visiting family, waiting to hear about extras castings (as ever), and trying to treat the week like a proper holiday. Time away. Don't think about work. I don't count extra-ing as work because I really love it, so I'm trying not to think about tour guiding, which I don't love. I'm actually getting pretty fed up with it tbh. But I feel slightly trapped by needing to have an employer to write references for future things, and the tour company boss is the only person who can currently fill that role so I have to stay on his good side. Not that he would have time to write any references anyway, so I'm not sure what I'm trying to get out of this...
I have changed my desktop wallpaper on my laptop to a summery image of a Hawaiian resort, because a) I grew up in Hawaii and find pictures of it comforting, b) it's a summery image and therefore maybe will help remind me I'm on a proper holiday, and c) I usually stress out a bit when I'm away and open my computer because I'm reminded of all the things I left behind, so I'm experimenting with avoiding that. We'll see. I am enjoying seeing it, at any rate, so I've achieved something.
But if the only way I can come up with to help me feel more relaxed is to change my desktop wallpaper, things are getting serious. Suggestions on postcards. x
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