Hey guys
Kind of feeling the need to blog right now; it's not been a great day so far. :( I slept in really late - didn't get up until 11:20, having gone to bed past midnight because of Sul Ki Do. And what did I wake up to? A shit dream about arguing with my family and crying over ED. Lovely. A morning wasted and begun with an upset mood.
And what makes it even worse? I open the curtains and the sky is completely overcast. Ok, that sounds like an overreaction to bad weather, but let me explain.
In Russia, we went for 3 months without seeing the sun in the sky because it was literally overcast nonstop for 12 weeks. And not even 'cloudy' skies - we're talking solid grey, no shape, no sense of depth or space, just a big lid on the world. No sun, no moon, no stars. You know how you feel a bit down when the weather's bad? Well, try to imagine that but x 3 months. I can't even explain how awful it was. I got really claustrophobic in the small classroom we had, started having panic attacks every time I went in there (and I'd never had panic attacks before in my life), most probably because going outside didn't feel like going outside. When there's no light in the sky, it feels like you're living underground. It was horrific.
So now whenever I see a sky like that - and luckily, it's not very often in this country - it reminds me of that time. Now, that wasn't the only problem I had at the point obviously, but it sure as hell didn't help. Sometimes when you're depressed, a bit of sunshine is just the thing to lift your mood. Ha. So all in all, one of the lower points of my life. Hence why any reminder of it now is guaranteed to set me back a little. And that's what I wake up to this morning, on top of a morning disappeared down the drain thanks to oversleeping, and a shit dream just before waking! Yey! >:(
Sigh.
Aww, I know just what you mean when it comes to weather! If the sun is shining you always feel better! I hope that you're day got better (:
ReplyDeleteHugs! <3
The sun works wonders, i think most people are affected by the weather but when it comes to depression etc, sun can make all the difference. I can't imagine how horrible your experience in Russia must have been, i'm literally shuddering at that thought, so don't feel stupid or anything for being so affected by it. Hope the day brightened up for you (hahahahahaha) I should send you some of our sunshine :-) x
ReplyDeleteIt's remarkable how hurtful dreams can be when you're depressed, even if they're thoroughly mundane. When I was 15 and going through an especially tough time, I had a dream where I was waiting for school assembly to start when someone I had a big crush on walked into the hall. I went to say hello, but I was pre-empted with this horrible, sarcastic, derisive "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii" before turning away in disgust. When I woke up it felt like I'd been punched in the chest, and it left such an impression that when I saw the same person in real life shortly after, I only wanted to look away. I don't think I'll ever forgive my subconscious for that one. Here's to sweeter dreams for all of us in the future.
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