So, today has been mixed. Some good things, some bad things.
Obviously the biggest was the Russian Seagull reading this afternoon, which we've been practising for since last term, and finally performed today. It went pretty well, actually; there were a few fudge ups, but that's to be expected, and we did get some laughs in the right places! There was no gunshot at the end, haha, because we'd never rehearsed in the room we performed in, and the cue (for the gunshot) wasn't audible to the person supposed to be doing it... Oh well, everybody knew what was supposed to happen, so it was ok. And we got quite a lot of applause!
The only thing that made me nervous was knowing that the director of the English Seagull, which I auditioned for, was there in the audience - performing again in front of the person who didn't cast you is, let me tell you, not very fun. But it was alright.
The not so good things today included getting back a bad translation (lowest mark in my class, I managed to ascertain through nosiness lol) - although it could have been a lot worse. I knew there were some things I didn't understand, but I hadn't appreciated how much they would bring my mark down. Also, I got a rejection from an audition I did last week - although, to be fair, I was kind of expecting that. It's just kind of sucky, you know? Poo.
Anyway, life goes on, as ever.
I had an appointment yesterday where my therapist told me that w'ere nearing the end of the period where I go every week, and rapidly approaching the time when I'm just left to it for a while. I totally wasn't expecting that. I suppose it didn't help that I didn't know there'd be a period where I was just left to it for ages; I thought you kept going regularly until you felt something like recovered. Apparently not. They give you all the tools you need, then you have to go and use it for weeks and months and then change happens. So that's terrifying. I've only got about 3/4 sessions left, then that's it for ages. I will still be seeing the psychiatrists, who continue to fiddle with my medication, but that's not really therapy per se. It's nice to know I'll still be seeing someone, but it's so so very scary to be thinking I won't be having any actual kind of therapy. But then, I knew recovery would be down to me, I just didn't realise how much that would be the case...
Onwards. And, hopefully, upwards...
Obviously the biggest was the Russian Seagull reading this afternoon, which we've been practising for since last term, and finally performed today. It went pretty well, actually; there were a few fudge ups, but that's to be expected, and we did get some laughs in the right places! There was no gunshot at the end, haha, because we'd never rehearsed in the room we performed in, and the cue (for the gunshot) wasn't audible to the person supposed to be doing it... Oh well, everybody knew what was supposed to happen, so it was ok. And we got quite a lot of applause!
The only thing that made me nervous was knowing that the director of the English Seagull, which I auditioned for, was there in the audience - performing again in front of the person who didn't cast you is, let me tell you, not very fun. But it was alright.
The not so good things today included getting back a bad translation (lowest mark in my class, I managed to ascertain through nosiness lol) - although it could have been a lot worse. I knew there were some things I didn't understand, but I hadn't appreciated how much they would bring my mark down. Also, I got a rejection from an audition I did last week - although, to be fair, I was kind of expecting that. It's just kind of sucky, you know? Poo.
Anyway, life goes on, as ever.
I had an appointment yesterday where my therapist told me that w'ere nearing the end of the period where I go every week, and rapidly approaching the time when I'm just left to it for a while. I totally wasn't expecting that. I suppose it didn't help that I didn't know there'd be a period where I was just left to it for ages; I thought you kept going regularly until you felt something like recovered. Apparently not. They give you all the tools you need, then you have to go and use it for weeks and months and then change happens. So that's terrifying. I've only got about 3/4 sessions left, then that's it for ages. I will still be seeing the psychiatrists, who continue to fiddle with my medication, but that's not really therapy per se. It's nice to know I'll still be seeing someone, but it's so so very scary to be thinking I won't be having any actual kind of therapy. But then, I knew recovery would be down to me, I just didn't realise how much that would be the case...
Onwards. And, hopefully, upwards...
Hello you!
ReplyDeleteHope you're alright and the english Seagull was okay for you today. Sad I didn't get to talk to you today but I think it's past your bedtime and I was at the theatre too (!)
I think that you've done pretty well, really, considering how stressed out you were, to get through your exams. Plus, while your mark may have been the lowest in the class, that doesn't automatically make it 'bad'! (but I know that's easy to say). It's poo, but doesn't reflect on how amazing you are! ^^
To be honest I think it's total bullshit that they're not offering you anything therapy-wise, that's really not on. Is there any way you can ask for them to look into it for after these few weeks are up? Otherwise, what's your uni/college counsellor like? I think it's all very well saying it's down to you and you have the tools etc. etc. but if you're not ready to stop therapy then it's not the time, surely? Before I thought you meant that you were still getting some therapy, just not continuing the therapy you have at the minute (CBT? but I've got that wrong before ;D). Obviously not that I don't think you're doing amazingly, I really do; I just think if you're terrified about this it's not the time... :/ Hopefully they'll sort something out.
Lots and lots and lots of love! I hope today was a good day.
xxxxx
Some quotes I liked I wanted to show you -
“When we walk to the edge of the light we have and take a step into the darkness of the unknown we must believe one of two things will happen: there will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly.”
"The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience."
:) xxx