Thought I'd update, although it'll be a bit depressing I fear. (Despite the fact that I'm currently sitting in the living room with my whole family here, music playing, parents hanging up Christmas cards.)
It's pretty miserable at the moment to be honest. Without restricting, without weightloss, I literally have nothing. I am nothing. Everything I do is an attempt to distract myself from the fact that I'm eating so much (it's actually a healthy amount, but feels like tonnes to me), and every meal and snack gets harder than the last. I was meant to have an appointment at the hospital today, but it had to be put off until tomorrow because the buses have been jiggered by the snow we've had.
What I would like to share with you all is my latest discover, Gala Darling's blog, and her programme from February of RADICAL SELF LOVE. I have started practicing already and it is, well, radical. I've got a RSL Bible and everything. On the front page it just says "I am fucking brilliant". Lolz. Then I wrote a description of myself after Bea's video on WeRFreedomFighters, about how weight doesn't define you, describing lots of things about myself and conspicuously not mentioning my appearance in any way. It's a good exercise. I'm soon to be printing off lots of quotes to stick in there, and got lots of hearts to draw!
I particularly enjoyed this blog entry:
http://galadarling.com/article/100-ways-you-can-start-loving-yourself-right-now
Go read it! All of yous!
x
Hello lovely,
ReplyDeleteSorry about your appt.- sounds like it'd throw you off big time. I'm glad you're not missing it anyway, that's something! (Because if you did would it be NEXT YEAR before you got another appt.?!)
I'm sorry it's so hard right now. I wish I could do something to help you, I really, *really* do. I can only say that I am really proud of you and I wholeheartedly believe that things will get better. You are SO MUCH more than this; an ED does not define you. Your weight does not define you (as you've said) as much as your height doesn't. I see an awful lot more to you than an eating disorder - I wish you saw it yourself! "We are all primary numbers divisible only by ourselves."
(This comment is becoming a big old ramble, sorry...)
Anyway, fuck being 170 miles away or something, you get millions of hugs and the best of my wishes. Love you! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
(and by the way there will be a little something in the post for you soon! as long as i get my act together and the british postal service doesn't *completely* come to a stop. but don't get too excited ;) )
I love your nails, so cute! :D
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear that you're having a rough time at the moment, I wish for everything to get better. You deserve to be happy and to feel good about yourself, you're an amazing person!
Lots of hugs! <3