I'm trying to figure out what I'm feeling right now, because I can sense that there's a lot there, except there's some sort of filter that means I'm not experiencing my emotions to the full. They're kind of muted somehow. Probably a self-defensive mechanism on the part of my subconscious. But I'm trying to figure it out anyway.
I'm feeling anxious. I'm feeling distressed. I'm feeling ashamed. And I'm feeling hatred. Now this is interesting, because hatred is an emotion I very rarely feel, towards anyone or anything. I'm just not the kind of person to hate. Or am I?
I realise that all this time, for years and years when I believed myself not to be the hating kind, that I've been hating at full pelt. I've been hating my body, just in the way that I'm hating it right now. For many years, I simply hated myself. But I never fully realised that it's exactly the same kind of hatred that other people feel. Maybe I never wanted to admit that I was feeling that hatred, because I like not hating. I like being an easy-going person who's calm and clear-headed, and generally tries to achieve a level of understanding that surpasses hatred. So realising that actually, I do hate after all, is not a very easy realisation. I've been feeling just the same amount of hatred as the next person, it's just that mine has all been directed inwards. Maybe that's because I was ashamed of it; maybe it's because I'm just not as compassionate towards myself as I am towards everyone else. Maybe I'll never know.
But the point is, right now, among everything else, I'm feeling hatred. And that's ok. It's unpleasant, and it's irrational, but it's ok to be feeling it.
Embrace your emotions. After all, they're yours.
You're making such a good point, embracing your emotions are really important. You'll get very far by just realizing why you're feeling something and listening to your emotions.
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas hun, take care of yourself! <3 <3 Hugs!
It is good to know what you are feeling and it can help you to better understand yourself and even others.
ReplyDeleteBut I must disagree about embracing every emotion. Of course it ok to have feelings, good or bad, avoiding and blocking them out is impossible.
But why embrace bad or negative emotions? They usually only make us to feel worse.
Not judging or anything, just wondering why someone would welcome unwanted feelings.
I'll check back for a reply, if you want to reply.
I see what you're saying - though when I say 'embrace', I just mean 'accept'. Because it seems I've been in denial of my emotions for a long time, which hasn't helped me at all, it just makes me confused! I don't want to let the bad emotions bring me down, but I need to recognise that they're there in order to move forward with them. That's what I meant. :) x
ReplyDeleteI see, that makes more sense :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reply.