Hey guys.
(Although, I haven't had any comments in a while, so I'm not sure if anyone is still reading this....but whatever.)
So I'm on the gradual weight gain programme, having to eat three meals and three snacks every day. And omg, it's FUCKING HARD WORK. My therapist was talking about 'ripping the plaster off' instead of peeling it back slowly - going all out and trying to do a full week of eating properly, rather than having the odd day here and there where I eat well, and other days where I let ED take control. So that's what I'm trying to do. To rip the plaster off. Only trouble is, it hurts like a bitch.
I have to rate every day out of 10 based on how well I've followed the plan, and I've had at least one 10/10 so far. Yesterday was more of a 6, since I missed a meal and a snack (oops). But then what I did eat was very good, hence why it's not too bad a score. Doing pretty well today, except I got up late which kind of funked everything up. I made a veggie meatloaf earlier using a Nigella Lawson recipe (omg, love Nigella...), trying to make sure food is nice atm. Like, if I'm gonna be eating 6 times a day, it has to be something I really like otherwise it'll feel like even more of a chore. I know some people feel safer eating foods they don't really like, cos then they know they won't binge, but I'm the complete opposite. I can't eat stuff I don't really like, cos it feels like a complete waste of calories. Like, now I'm full of calories, and I didn't even get anything out of it. You know?
So, aiming for a ten. We'll see how that goes...
I'm still reading :)
ReplyDeleteDo your friends and family know about your ED therapy? Do you think recovery would be easier if you had someone that was close to you most of the time (such as a friend that was your roommate) to help out in some way and remind you to eat?
Yeah my family and friends know. Thing is, it's not that I forget to eat, it's just that 3 meals and 3 snacks is so much food to me, that I just can't manage it all. In a way I wish I could forget; it's on my mind all the time. The other problem is that while several people know, there's no one I'm especially close to who I can talk to any time, so it's difficult to rely on other people's support.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely still reading!!! I'm all for making food fun (just not too fun ha!), so i totally think its great that you are aiming to enjoy the food you're eating. I mean thats what normal people do right?! Hmm I guess if you rip the plaster off quickly instead of peeling the pain will be over faster? I hope that part applies to recovery too (for all our sakes). Aside from that though, i think you are doing amazingly well, honestly an inspiration. Keep pushing on xoxo
ReplyDeleteHey! I'm *always* reading!
ReplyDeleteIt wouldn't let me write any more on youtube, so I'll carry on here and reply to both at once (resourceful!)
The three meals/snacks thing must be really hard, because it fights against what you believe is normal, and whatever everyone else thinks it is (obviously there is no 'normal', there's probably not even a normal for an individual, so...) What I find difficult about it too is the neverending-ness (?) of it; you have one meal, and it's hard, and as soon as you have a chance to forget about it even a little it's time for the next snack! I think that must get easier, as your appetite changes and your opinion of 'normal' changes, so it can't always be a struggle.
Brave of you to rip the plaster off, I'm a total wimp where that's concerned. It does sound like a good plan though, not too much room to make excuses, and I think you're very good at pushing yourself. So I have a lot of hope for you :)
Oh Nigella, how I love you!! I need that recipe, I'll look it up. I think pushing through food you don't like or even actively dislike is definitely a bad plan, just misery mouthfuls and too much focus on the nutrition of each meal, which I don't think is something you need to be thinking of constantly.
Ten! Yes! Best best best wishes, rooting and hoping for you; lots of love :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx