The Emotional Healing Strategy

So this is the book I'm gonna be working with for the next coupla weeks, to start to try and move on from a lot of things that I feel are still holding me back emotionally. I mean, there are plenty of recent things I haven't got over yet, but plenty in the past too, going back to when I was 14.

I started today with a little hurt, as the book suggests - I chose to use my rejection from "Sophie Scholl", a play I really wanted to be in. The auditions were at the beginning of term, and I got a call-back, and even though it was very close, in the end I didn't get the part I wanted. A minor set-back, yes, but that's the idea: you start with something small, practice the Strategy, and then apply it to something bigger.

So the first step is Exploration: you try to remember as much as you can about what actually happened. I went out today and bought myself a special notebook for these things, and started writing out exactly what went on. Turns out, it's hardly a surprise I was so upset by getting rejected! Like, I hadn't really understood why it was getting to me so much, but when I sat down and wrote out exactly what happened, it became kind of obvious. I saw the advert on the OUDS website during the summer, and kind of started thinking about it and almost looking forward to it before I'd even done an audition; I was in a play last term and pretty much walked into a lead role, so I had kinda forgotten about the competitiveness of auditions. Also, I didn't feel that I did as well as I could have in the auditions, because my concentration wasn't all there; I was just having a bit of a bad day and I know I could've done better. So I'm annoyed at my Depression for impinging on my concentration and damaging my chances of getting the part.

OK, I'm getting slightly ahead of myself here, into the next stage - Expression. I'll have that to do later in detail. Then Comfort, then Compensation, then Perspective. For larger hurts there are two extra stages - Channelling and Forgiveness. I'm not sure I'll really need those for this, but for some of the other things I'm gonna deal with, I probably will.
I'll keep you posted on how it's going.

Another day off today because of being ill, which sucks - but it's not long now til the ECG and the results of the blood tests. A friend came over briefly just now to see me on her dinner break, and I'm meeting another friend for coffee in the morning, so I'm not completely shut off from the world. This is GOOD. Times like these, I need all the companionship I can get.