T-1

Going back into ED treatment tomorrow. Deep breaths, stay calm...

I'm already torturing myself this morning trying to guess my weight by trying on jeans, and inevitably not being pleased with the result. I've been restricting for the last couple of days, but I've also come on my period, so the weight gain from that will probably cancel out anything I've lost. So frustrating.

I went to Sul Ki Do yesterday, and I'm sore after that, but I can't bring myself to eat properly to try and help my muscles restore. I'm exhausted, I've just slept through a lecture and I probably won't go to the next one; a combination of getting over the infection and not eating properly has wiped me out completely. And I've got so much work to be doing... But I just can't bring myself to do it. When I think about it, it's like I can't face it. I don't even want to think about it, let alone do it. Managed to get myself to the library yesterday, which was reasonably productive, so I should do the same today and hope for the best.

Dreading tomorrow. But at the same time, I'm itching to get started, to get over this bloody disorder. I can't go on living like this.