T-4

4 days until I go back into ED treatment. And I'm genuinely shitting myself.

So the treatment programme I'm on is CBT, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It requires that you write down everything you eat, together with how you feel at the time. So I'm currently pulled in two directions pre-CBT: 1) Eat all the stuff now that I won't want to write down, the stuff I wouldn't want to admit to and see written (you know what I'm talking about - all the unhealthy crap, the "bad" foods); while at the same time 2) lose as much weight as possible so that when they force me on the scale on Tuesday, I don't burst into tears. Not very compatible, eh?

The stomach infection is making some of the decisions for me, forcing me to eat sometimes because nausea medication doesn't work but eating (occasionally) does. This of course stresses me out something CHRONIC because I absolutely despise not being the one to decide whether I eat or not; being forced into it by an illness is utter shite. I've also done zero work today because of feeling ill, and missed a very useful class for the second time this term, which is so uncool. I'm not at all impressed.

The one good thing is that I'm going to see the new Harry Potter tonight with some good friends, which I'm really looking forward to. I'm gonna be looking out for all my new friends in the background lol! (The friends I made on the nightshoot, I mean.) It should be a very much needed distraction from what a shit day today has been...

Work is piling up, got an essay and three translations to get done this weekend, and Friday already lost down the drain. At least I've been doing a bit of art journalling, which helps, but doesn't improve the situation much! Oh, Oxford. How I love to hate thee.
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