Many many doctors

Omg, I have had the most medical day ever! 3 hospital appointments in the morning, then down to the GP in the afternoon.

So I saw my therapist this morning, and we agreed I'm not ready to go back on ED treatment just yet. Maybe in a coupla weeks though, we'll see. We talked about how I need to be kinder to myself, especially when it comes to rejections, of which I have had many this term, be it plays or competitions. I've realised it is actually pretty hypocritical, to believe that every human being deserves kindness and compassion, and then not include myself in that number! I'm not setting much of an example, really, if I leave myself out of the general kindness I try to practice. 

I've got this book called The Emotional Healing Strategy (Gail Lindenfield) - check it out if you're interested - which I think I'm gonna work through, and discuss with my therapist as I go. It's basically a sort of programme with various steps that you take to try and move on from emotional hurt, big or small, and I thought it sounded like something I could do with. There's still a lot in my past that I haven't fully moved on from yet, even though I've talked about it with my therapist.

Then I saw one of the researchers, who asked me loads of questions about my eating habits and how I feel about my weight/shape etc. It's always the same questions every time so I should be used to it by now, but I always find it difficult. What really gets me is that you have to fill in this questionnaire before you go, and then do an interview where they ask you literally all the same questions. Like, why can't you just fill in the questionnaire and be done with it? She also took my weight, for research reasons, but I faced the other way for my own sanity's sake. I haven't weight myself in a good coupla months, and I know that if I knew my weight it would only upset me.

Then on to the psychiatrist, which was a slightly pointless appointment as we're not changing my medication yet. Partly because I'm ill, and partly because they don't see any real need to change it atm. Um, what about the fact that they don't work?? I don't understand the medical profession sometimes.

Went to the GP this afternoon about being ill, and he isn't sure what it is; probably an infection, but he's not sure where it's originating. It was quite funny actually when he was examining my neck, stomach etc, because I was visiting my medic friends a coupla weeks ago and they were practicing a lot of the same exams on me. And it really struck me, after seeing my medic friends having to learn all this stuff, that it's a hell of a lot of things a doctor has to remember to ask you when they're trying to analyse your symptoms. I mean seriously, he wrote two notecards with details of what I was/wasn't experiencing - and every point was something he had to remember to ask me! Crazy.

I've managed to do an essay plan for my tutorial tomorrow, which is good. I just hope this bloody infection goes away soon, cos I cannot afford to be ill right now. But then, emotionally I'm quite numb, so I don't really give a damn about all the work that I'm not doing xD Psychiatrists always seem concerned by numbness, but as far as I'm concerned, compared to depression it's a miracle gift!